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Billing Protocols
This is how I charge for what I do around the building.
Basically I work only Sundays and the 1st and the 16th for sure
(when I have to rotate the trash bins and empty a drip can)
plus a solid quarter hour or two most every day I'm around.
Otherwise, I charge $14.50 per hour, one hour minimum
every time I have to drop what I'm doing and do something else
plus every time I bleed, break a sweat, get dirty or use profanity.
And if someone makes a disparaging remark
about some aspect of the building maintenance
I have to do something about it
so I charge another $14.50.
With these many ways to make $14.50, I ought to be rich
but I've done my job too well in the past
and these things don't happen so often -- damn!
Oops. There, I owe myself another $14.50.
Job Conflicts
for Ted at Hogan & Vest
Janitor, that's what it said I was
on my income tax return
half garbage man, half security guard
half semi-handy fixit guy.
As a glorified sanitation engineer
I became my work: just a load of crap
broken things, discarded things.
but, as I informed my superior
I was more than that.
In my own country
I was a prince in a white sweater.
My new shoes never set foot on the earth
much less the trash room floor.
I expected everyone to be truthful to me
and while I know we are mortal
I wished we all did not have to suffer so much.
Alas, we do suffer
and it was my job
to allay suffering in my kingdom.
From falling ceilings
jimmied locks and electrical shorts
I would protect you.
I wished us all health
clarity and lack of excitement.
from "Ghost Worker"
© 2001 Whitman McGowan
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